Graduation Pain | Klaine
nottheboy—nextdoor:
Kurt frowned with concern. Blaine was closing in on himself, which wasn’t good. That wasn’t going to help him; if anything, it would make him worse. “Blaine…” He noted the space at the foot of the bed and made to climb up with him. “May I?” he asked, wanting to be closer. He wasn’t normally one for physical contact, since most of it in the past ended up with him in a dumpster, but he could let down those walls at least a little for Blaine. He reached up and ran a hand through Blaine’s curls. “It’s just a piece of paper, Blaine. Compared to you, that’s nothing. Besides, there will be other graduations. It’ll be more gratifying when I finish college and have my Broadway debut,” he joked. “We can go pick up our diplomas after you get released.”
He didn’t know what would happen with Blaine. After what happened, he probably wouldn’t be safe on his own, and that scared Kurt. Blaine would most likely have to stay either in the hospital or with a friend so he could remain under someone’s supervision to make sure he didn’t hurt himself again. Kurt would readily volunteer to host him if that happened. “You’re worth the world to me,” Kurt whispered. “As much as I was looking forward to walking across the stage, I’m really happy I missed it.” Kurt really loved Blaine, and he was trying his best to show it without crossing a line. Anything he did or said could be too much or too soon.
Blaine nodded, letting Kurt know that he could sit and Blaine was thankful when Kurt reached up to touch his hair. He didn’t have answers for Kurt, mostly because he had no idea what to say; and it didn’t help that he was having a hard time thinking straight with his head feeling heavy. Kurt’s words seemed to hit him hard; had Kurt really just said that he was more important than graduation? It made no sense. It also didn’t make sense that Kurt knew exactly how to calm Blaine down,he’d changed since he’d been with Kurt and though it was only two months ago it seemed like a lifetime. Blaine was starting to loose his fight with his emotions, the medicine making him tired and almost drunk feeling. Blaine reached up and shakily grabbed Kurt’s hand in his own.
“I’m so sorry, Kurt.” Blaine’s eyes welled up once more. “I…I was so stupid. I needed someone and he was there…and we…we worked. People would flirt with him but he could ignore it and he’d help me with my issues. He’d make sure there was nothing sharp around, and if I called he’d be there. I was hurt so I trusted too easily and…I just couldn’t handle it anymore, Kurt. I couldn’t. Everything was too much. I was sick of being left alone and sick of letting people down. I was sick of trying so hard only for it to never work.” Blaine hung his head and sobbed. “I just wanted it to stop.”
(Source: socklesssinger)
Graduation Pain | Klaine
nottheboy—nextdoor:
Blaine’s heart monitor was going off like crazy. In a flash, Kurt grabbed Blaine’s hands and squeezed them tightly so he wouldn’t rip the IV out. Seconds later, the nurse came in. “Is the IV really necessary at this point?” Kurt asked her. “He doesn’t like needles at all. And since he’s conscious and everything…”
The nurse ignored him, sliding past him with a syringe. “Pushing 5 ccs Lorazepam,” she announced as she gave him the medicine through the IV. Kurt recognized it; it was some kind of sedative. The low dose wouldn’t quite be enough to knock out even Blaine, but he would be calm, probably really sleepy. Before Kurt could ask again to remove the IV, she gently slid the needle out of Blaine’s arm and pressed gauze to the opening. “That’s better,” she nodded. “Let me get fresh bandages for you, sweetie.”
She left as soon as she was finished, telling them to call if they needed anything. Kurt thanked her before turning back to Blaine. “You nearly died,” he said softly. “I know it probably sounds selfish to you, but I couldn’t let that happen. You’re a good person, Blaine. The best thing that’s ever happened to me. I, um… You can probably tell I skipped graduation. When you didn’t show, I started to get worried. I found you and called the ambulance. Right now all that matters is that you’re okay. How are you feeling? I imagine you’d be thirsty after being out cold for a few hours.”
Blaine’s eye were wide as Kurt grabbed his hands and he whimpered desperate to be rid of the needles. Suddenly there was a nurse in the room and Blaine could hardly pay attention to what she was saying because she a a syringe. Blaine knew what that meant. She was coming closer and Blaine tried to pull his arm away when she reached for the IV, ” Please. No not another one.” Blaine ignored his pride and let a few tears fall as she gave him more medicine. He could still feel the needle and the liquid was now pushing through it making it hurt like hell. He gasped in pain as she suddenly pulled the needle out and the second she let go of his arm he cradled it to his stomach. He ignored the nurse as she promised to bring more bandages, he didn’t want them. He looked down at the fresh marks now and swallowed hard.
Blaine didn’t look up when Kurt started talking, instead he stared and his lap. It wasn’t until Kurt mentioned it that Blaine realized he hadn’t actually gone to graduation. Blaine let another tear fall at the words; he knew how much this meant to Kurt. Kurt had talked about it non-stop and now he’d caused him to miss it. ” Kurt, you didn’t.” Blaine’s voice cracked a little. “Please, tell me you didn’t. I’m not worth it.” Blaine let the tears flow,embarrassed that he was crying infront of Kurt. Kurt had been the one person he could be himself with and now he was sure that that kind of trust and relationship had been broken. He knew it had, Kurt had broken it after all. He also knew that he shouldn’t be wanting comfort from that same boy. Blaine wrapped his arms around his knees and winced at the pain, he was feeling suddenly sleepy and not in a pleasant way. It was like being forced underwater, and he didn’t want to go down.
(Source: socklesssinger)
Graduation Pain | Klaine
nottheboy—nextdoor:
Kurt was pretty sure he was dreaming. It had to be, because he was on Brittany’s talk show, but she was a shrink. And he was lying on her couch, on his stomach, talking about his feelings (he’s pretty sure he mentioned something about birds in there for no reason whatsoever), when her cat jumped onto the couch by his head and started kneading his arms. Then, the cat spoke. Dream-Kurt was appropriately surprised, because he thought Brittany was joking when she said that Lord Tubbington could speak. “He’s awake,” the cat said. Dream-Kurt replied, “I know I am,” like it was obvious. “No,” Dream-Brittany said, “he’s awake.” Dream-Kurt got confused and Lord Tubbington whipped his tail in his face, and Kurt woke with a start.
He blinked and sat up slowly. He was in Blaine’s hospital room and it was dark out. Graduation was long over at this point; everyone else had either gone home or gone to party. Lord Tubbington was right, though. Blaine had woken up and removed his bandages. “Blaine!” Kurt breathed. “Oh my god, thank goodness you’re okay!” He almost collapsed onto Blaine, pulling him into a hug carefully so he avoided the wounds on his wrists. “I was so scared that I’d lost you. There was so much blood when I found you, but the paramedics said that I got there just in time… I’m just so glad that you’re awake.” He was tearing up as he pulled away. “Should I call a nurse to give you new bandages? It looks like you’re healing, but we don’t want you to get infected…”
Blaine jumped when he heard Kurt’s voice, not noticing that he had woken. Blaine was stunned still when Kurt threw his arms around Blaine and he ached to melt into them, but he couldn’t. Could he? “Ow! Kurt…why are you yelling?” Blaine winced against the volume of Kurt’s voice. “Please, don’t. I don’t want more scratchy things on my wrists. I’m about two minutes away from pulling the IV’s out.” Blaine’s eyes stung harder and he forced himself not to cry. Why was Kurt being so nice to him? He deserved to be yelled at. “Oh god.” Blaine said, eyes going wide as he realized what he said. “The IV’s!” Blaine had always been terrified of needles and now that he was coming to, he could feel the metal in his arm. He whimpered and scratched at the tape, but his fingers shook and he couldn’t get it off.
“Needles…I hate needles…” Blaine squirmed and started breathing quickly. This felt like another panic attack.
(Source: socklesssinger)
Graduation Pain | Klaine
im-a-finalist:
Kurt knew that Blaine was going to graduate, but he didn’t see him anywhere. He thought that maybe he was just running a little late. After all, he had to shower and cover his head in his usual helmet of hair gel so he could look his best. Kurt was certain that he would turn up sooner or later, and for sure before they had to walk across the stage. He did as he was told, being herded off toward the auditorium where they lined up one by one in order to enter and receive their diplomas from Principal Figgins. Still, with every passing minute, he was getting more and more nervous. The ceremony would start any minute now, and Blaine was nowhere to be seen. For about the fifth time, he sent a text asking Blaine where he was, if he was on his way, if he was ready. Still no reply. He kept fidgeting with his phone in his hands, looking toward the front of the line to make sure they weren’t starting yet. Blaine came at the beginning of the alphabet, so he would be one of the first. They couldn’t start without him.
But then, they did. They passed the A’s and went onto the B’s, and when Rachel had passed through the curtain, Kurt finally snapped. He could get his diploma later. He sent a text to his dad in the audience saying that he was going to look for Blaine and that he wasn’t going to walk. Without waiting for a reply, he took off running down the hall and toward his car, leaving his cap behind after it fell from his head onto the floor. Blaine wouldn’t miss graduation. Something had to be wrong. He sped off toward Blaine’s house, hoping against all hope that Blaine was just getting cold feet, that he was okay, standing in the middle of his room and holding his robe. That had to be it. The alternative was too terrifying to imagine.
No one answered the door when he rang the bell, but the door was unlocked. He instantly ran upstairs, knowing that no one else was home. It was quiet. He knocked on Blaine’s room door and it swung open. No one was there, but the bathroom door was ajar and the light was on in there. Kurt gulped, hands shaking. “Blaine? Are you in here?” he called. No answer. He tried to calm himself down. Now was not the time to break into hysterics. Stiffly, he stepped toward the bathroom and pushed the door open, instantly gasping at the sight he fell upon. “Oh my god,” he whimpered. Blaine was laying unconscious on the floor, red pooling around his wrists, which looked to have fresh wounds. Kurt fell to his knees, scrambling to support Blaine’s head. “No, please. Blaine!” He wasn’t waking up. Kurt had no idea if he was even still breathing. He desperately called 911, listening to the instructions they gave him to check for a pulse and stop the bleeding. The pulse was faint, but present, so they sent an ambulance as quickly as possible.
By the time the paramedics got there a few minutes later, Kurt had pretty much lost it. His mind was racing, telling himself that Blaine was going to be okay, but not believing it very well. He couldn’t help coming up with a million different scenarios where Blaine just never woke up. It was just too much. They lifted him onto a stretcher, checking his pulse again, and then his blood pressure, and then trying to contact people. Kurt got up, watching their every move.
“Are you family?” they asked when he tried to get into the ambulance with Blaine.
Kurt shook his head. “No, but I’m all he has. His parents and brother are all out of town. I know it isn’t necessarily according to protocol, but you have to let me on,” he begged them. “Please. He needs someone if— when he wakes up. It’s probably better if it’s at least a familiar face.” After exchanging a look, they reluctantly let him climb into the back, and he held Blaine’s hand for the entire ride. It was the only thing that grounded him. If he could just feel Blaine’s hand tighten around his again, he would know that everything was okay.
Kurt was held back at the emergency room doors, forced to sit in the waiting room while they worked to get Blaine admitted and start replacing all the blood he lost. He was stuck there for a couple hours, so he updated his dad on what was going on. He went back and forth about whether to tell the rest of the glee club. If he told them, their graduation night would be completely spoiled, but on the other hand, they deserved to know. He wasn’t sure what to do.
Before long, he was allowed into the intensive care unit. Blaine was hooked up to all these machines. A blood bag was hung and dripping into an IV. He looked so pale, so small on the hospital bed. Kurt started crying again, pulling up a chair and squeezing his hand again. “I wish you’d called me,” he choked out. “Or Rachel, or Finn, or Brittany, or Lauren. Anyone. It’s okay to trust people. I just…” He glanced at the bandages on his wrists, fresh from the nurses redressing them in the emergency room. “I love you, but I can’t lose you. Not again.”
A few hours later.
Blaine’s head pounded loudly in his ears and he groaned against the pain. He felt like he’d been hit by a truck, bled dry and hit again. Blaine’s eyes fluttered open and he squinted against the bright lights. The ceiling slowly came into focus and Blaine moved his head with a wince noticing that there were several monitors and tubes hooked up to…his arm. Why did he have all these needles in his arm? Blaine moved his head too quickly in the other direction and squeezed his swollen eyes shut against the pain. He slowly opened them back up once the pain ebbed and almost gasped. Kurt said next to his bed,looking stunning as always, cheeks slightly flushed and dark circles under his eyes, asleep, in his graduation robe. Graduation. Blaine could hear the heart rate monitor speed up; so he wasn’t dead. Everything rushed back to him in that moment and Blaine was both relieved and disappointed Blaine moved his head again and whimpered against the pain in his head and neck. Why was Kurt here? Judging from how dark it was outside Graduation was well past and Kurt should be at a party at Rachel’s or something. Blaine wanted to get up and leave before Kurt awoke but he was sure that he wouldn’t get very far, so instead he settled for laying there and trying to ignore the splitting pain in his head. Blaine tugged on the IV in his arm; he never had liked needles.
It was then that Blaine spotted the bandages on his wrists. They were blood stained and they were stiff, making Blaine whimper every time he flexed his wrist. Blaine slowly reached over and pulled the bandages off. Blaine’s eyes went wide when he saw the cuts, deeper than usual, and there were so many. On each wrist there were four deeps cuts, each fairly red though they’d seemed to have closed. He stared at them in shock, he’d wanted to end it sure but had he really done this? Blaine felt tears spring to his eyes.
(Source: socklesssinger, via nottheboy--nextdoor)
Graduation Pain | Klaine
Blaine sat on the bathroom floor, razor gripped in his right hand. He’d been sitting there for the past hour, dressed for graduation in his white button up and his black pants. His robe hung on the back of the door, the red of it taunting him. He needed to hurry up or he was going to be late for graduation. It wasn’t as if anyone had checked on him, his parents were in France after all, and he was thankful. He didn’t want to be around anyone right now, he wanted to be alone. Maybe that was a lie. Blaine could think of one person he wanted to be there; He wanted Sebastian. He wanted him to sit next to him and tell him not to, to show Blaine that he wasn’t a complete failure; but Sebastian wasn’t here. Blaine turned the blade in his hand, wondering if he could get away with it. He didn’t wan to let Sebastian down but did it really matter? Sebastian had cheated on him. Blaine’s mind whispered to him, telling him that Kurt cared but Blaine fought it down. Kurt didn’t actually care, did he feel guilty when he saw Blaine after prom? Yes, but did he care? no. Blaine glanced up to the red robe on the door. What was the point? He’d only decided to graduate early to be with Kurt and now he was alone and his future was a big empty space. He’d already made plans to attend NYU but with everything that had happened Blaine wasn’t sure he could handle it. What if he ran into Kurt somewhere? Blaine didn’t think he could handle it.
Blaine let a tear fall down his cheek as he raised the razor to his wrist. He slowly drug it across his wrist shuttering when he felt it draw blood. Kurt’s promises to never hurt him again were hollow. He’d been hurt too many times. He’d failed too many times. He just wanted it to end. No one would miss him, his parents were too busy to even come to his graduation, his brother was off in LA ignoring his calls and Sebastian was no doubt screwing Chandler somewhere. Blaine sobbed and raised the razor once more to add another line under the one he had just made. He needed out, he couldn’t handle this anymore. He was alone and he was tired of always fighting so hard. Blaine found his brain screaming at him to stop, that Sebastian and Kurt didn’t want this, but Blaine ignored it. He added a third stripe to his wrist and switched to the other. He made quick work of making the other match and he felt suddenly dizzy. Blaine’s vision started to go foggy and he started to feel himself lowering closer to the rug. “I love you..” Blaine sobbed, as he slowly lost consciousness.
Graduation is this weekend.
I don’t even know how to feel.
